Wrong answers and mistakes
The following questions were set in last year’s school examinations in Britain, and these are some genuine answers.( ref.2015)
Q. Name the four seasons.
A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
Q. How is dew formed?
A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.
Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on?
A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed.
Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections?
A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election.
Q. What are steroids?
A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.
Q. What happens to your body as you age?
A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.
Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.
Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A. Premature death.
Q. What is artificial insemination?
A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow.
Q. How can you delay milk turning sour?
A. Keep it in the cow.
Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorised (e.g. The abdomen)?
A. The body is consisted into 3 parts – the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A, E, I, O, U.
Q. What is the fibula?
A. A small lie.
Q. What does ‘varicose’ mean?
Q. What is the most common form of birth control?
A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium.
Q. Give the meaning of the term ‘Caesarean section’.
A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome.
Q. What is a seizure?
A. A Roman Emperor.
Q. What is a terminal illness?
A. When you are sick at the airport.
Q. What does the word ‘benign’ mean?
A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight.
Q. What is a turbine?
A. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head. Once an Arab boy reaches puberty, he removes his diaper and wraps it around his head.
Common mistakes made by native English speakers
In the 1970’s – instead of – In the 1970s
Car’s for sale – instead of – Cars for sale
Johns house is over there – instead of – John’s house is over there
Your funny – instead of – You’re funny
Are these you’re books? – instead of – Are these your books?
Its raining outside – instead of – It’s raining outside
The house looks nice with it’s new windows – instead of – The house looks nice with its new windows
- “Could/would/should of”
We could of gone there – instead of – We could’ve gone there
I would of done it sooner – instead of – I would have done it sooner
You should of said – instead of – You should’ve said
Can we use there flat? – instead of – Can we use their flat?
Their coming for dinner – instead of – They’re coming for dinner
Speak to they’re boss – instead of – Speak to their boss
Their is a bar inside – instead of – There is a bar inside
I’m to hot – instead of – I’m too hot
It’s time two go – instead of – It’s time to go
I’m going too town – instead of – I’m going to town
He bought to cakes – instead of – He bought two cakes
She is better then him – instead of – She is better than him
It was more then enough – instead of – It was more than enough
Let’s go to the bank first, than the restaurant – instead of – Let’s go to the bank first, then the restaurant
She waited for the medicine to have an affect – instead of – She waited for the medicine to have an effect
The building was badly effected by the flooding – instead of – The building was badly affected by the flooding